OH MY GOOOOOOOD
A great article by author James Buchanan on perception of submissives, and also when it’s not BDSM anymore but abuse.
"Control is given, not taken."
"And it also explains, to some extent, why the book is so popular.
Not to us, obviously. And many fans view this solely as a fantasy, or see it as little different than any other romance novel. But to women who don’t want to think about abuse and rape in relation to themselves? I think that it could be, because James tells them exactly what they want to hear. It’s not abuse or rape; it’s rough sex! Ana doesn’t dislike it; she just needs to get used to it and trust that Grey won’t hurt her. He isn’t selfish, cold, or misogynistic—he just doesn’t know how to express his emotions and needs acceptance and reassurance. He’s not irrevocably screwed up psychologically; her love can make him better. Despite the book showing one thing, Ana, over and over again, states something else, telling herself and the fans who claim that they have their Christian Grey what they long to believe.
Which is incredibly sad, really.”
via Gehayi at Das Sporking
Cheating with some tumblr time for a moment to post this shit
Fifty Shades of Grey, in all its popularity, has given women permission to openly talk about sex, with friends, family, and partners
You. have. got. to be. kidding. me.
First of all, it’s given PERMISSION? You know what, you’re totally right. God bless this awful, plagiarized book series for giving me, as a woman, the permission to talk about my sexuality. Before Fifty Shades, I totally just kept my mouth completely shut and made myself as absolutely ignorant as possible about sex, how it works and how it made me feel. ESPECIALLY with my partner, which is unfortunate since he was the one I was having sex with.
Oh no wait. That’s not me, I just basically described the heroine of Fifty Shades.
Like how in the flipping hell do you arrive at the concept that Fifty Shades encourages a more liberated feminine sexuality when in the book we see the following:
- Ana has basically lived a completely sexless life for 21 years until Christian Grey shows up with his magic, perfect dick.
- Ana never bothers to really educate herself on her own about sexuality or the BDSM lifestyle she’s “diving into” (unlike Christian, into her ass) and just lets Christian tell her about it (who is also woefully ignorant about how it really works) and take care of everything.
- Ana constantly slut-shames other women at every opportunity, especially her friend for having the gall to have a healthy relationship (and be blonde and attractive).
- Well into the second book and despite the fact that Ana’s been tied up and fucked in like 20 different positions, she still can’t refer to her vagina as anything but her vague “down there”.
- Ana’s likens aspects of her sexuality to childlike things pretty much every other sentence.
- This book is basically about a man manipulating a woman and her sexuality through the excuse of calling it ‘BDSM’.
So obviously anyone making grand statements about how helpful this book is for a woman’s sexuality either needs to, you know, actually read the fucking thing or educate themselves.
One of my besties clued me in to this blog post and I wanted to make sure it gets around. I think most of us already know this but I can’t pass up good conversation.
Since I’ve started on the long (the very, very, very long) journey of blogging about 50 Shades and why the relationship at its core is a predatory, abusive one between an aggressive stalker and his victim, a lot of women have come to me and said, “this is just like the abusive relationship I was in,” or “this reminds me of the ex who tried to stab me in the throat with a screwdriver.” I’m beyond horrified at the number of emails and comments I’ve received from women who have had their own “Christian Grey” and managed to escape him. This shouldn’t be happening as often as it does, and the only reason it does is because our culture tells us that as women, we need to be first and foremost available for male attention - and to not make ourselves so is to be rude and not a very nice woman.So, when Emma sent me a link with E.L. running her ignorant mouth about allegations of abuse in her books, I lost my fucking mind:James says she “freaks out when she hears people say that her book encourages domestic violence. “Nothing freaks me out more than people who say this is about domestic abuse,” she says. “Bringing up my book in this context trivializes the issues, doing women who actually go through it a huge disservice. It also demonizes loads of women who enjoy this lifestyle, and ignores the many, many women who tell me they’ve found the books sexually empowering.”One would think that since she has at minimum a third-grade understanding of the English language, E.L. James would be able to understand a few core concepts.
- No one is talking about BDSM being abusive, you fucking lunatic. The elements of the relationship that are abusive have nothing to do with the incredibly mild BDSM in the book. Even though the BDSM is shitty and unsafe and portrayed as a mental disease, the BDSM sequences aren’t really where the abuse happens. The abuse happens in all the places where Christian asserts his dominance over Ana outside of the bedroom, by stalking her (showing up at her work, following her across the country when she’s asked him for space, putting money into her bank account - the number for which he got through a private investigator), refusing her any agency (she must be followed by his “security team” - read: spies - anywhere she goes, her clothes are purchased for her by a shopper who knows Christian’s tastes, he even tells her when and what to eat and bought her job), and getting her drunk (read: drugging her) to get her to consent to shit she doesn’t want to do. All that stuff is abusive. Tying her up and making her listen to Medieval chant while he fucks her? No one thinks that’s abusive.
- Bringing up the abuse in your book doesn’t trivialize the issue, you fucking lunatic. You know what does trivialize the issue? Ignoring very real concerns about the abuse in the book because you don’t want to admit you’re just a shitty writer or a shitty person and you don’t care about abused women at all because you’re making tons of money and omg, everyone is being so mean about the shitty book you wrote about a shitty guy who abuses a woman. Talking about an issue in a serious way doesn’t “trivialize” it. It brings awareness to people who might have been wrong in their thinking. The only problem is, the people - like E.L. James - who most need to listen and learn about why they’re propagating dangerous cultural stereotypes about what women need or want, refuse to listen. So, by dismissing the issue, E.L., you’re really the one doing the trivializing.
- Protecting women from abuse doesn’t endanger the sexual preferences of women who like BDSM. Look, I’m going to say it. I love to be submissive during sex. I love to get spanked, bitten, slapped, choked, I like to have my hair pulled, to get fucked hard, you name something perverted and I am into it, so long as the person doing it to me is calling me a cheap slut while he’s doing it (and also as long as it’s Safe, Sane, and Consensual). Do I realize that some people feel that’s dirty, bad, and wrong? Yeah, but fuck them. Because it doesn’t matter if other people think that I’m gross or depraved or fucked in the head, because I know that’s not the case. There’s no reason for anyone to try to protect me from what I want to do in the bedroom. And I don’t need E.L. James to defend my lifestyle choices, either, so she doesn’t need to be the champion for all the poor, repressed women out there who like BDSM. There is, however, lots of reasons that we need to protect women who are being abused from abuse, namely because our culture won’t. It’s not setting back the sexual revolution to call out Christian Grey as an abuser pretending to be a Dom. It’s not taking away the sexual agency of women who like to masturbate to 50 Shades. It’s not “either, or” here. We can say, “Yes, freedom of sexual exploration is amazing, and what you do in your bedroom is not anyone else’s business,” while acknowledging that if the “Dom” attitude turns into an excuse to victimize and control a woman who doesn’t want to be a 24/7 sub, it has crossed the line from sex play into abuse. People in the BDSM community WANT to talk about this type of thing, and they were talking about it at length BEFORE 50 Shades came along. Now, E.L. wants to shut down that whole conversation as a matter of feminism, or something? Why? Because women are too stupid to handle nuanced issues? Or just because we can’t care about more than one thing at a time, and naturally jilling off to this piece of shit book is the highest priority, and we’ll get to the abuse later?
- Women going through, or who have gone through, domestic abuse are not fucking thrilled with 50 Shades. Before E.L. tries to stand up and say that she’s angry because highlighting the abuse in her books trivializes all those poor, battered women she supposedly cares so fucking much about, maybe she needs to talk to some of the women I’ve heard from. Maybe she needs to hear abuse victims saying, “You’re wrong,” so she could get it through her head. Oh, my bad. A lot of these same women HAVE tried to contact E.L. James, only to be blocked on twitter. That’s right. If you try to contact E.L. James with your heartfelt plea for understanding, based on your own personal experience at the hands of an abuser like Christian Grey, you’re going to find your twitter account blocked. Because she doesn’t want to hear it. The inability to listen to even the mildest criticism of her perfect, perfect hottie, Christian Grey, proves that E.L. James doesn’t get angry over those allegations on behalf of abused women. She doesn’t give enough of a shit about them to read 140 fucking characters, unless those characters are all glowing praise for her master work. Yeah, she really fucking cares about abused women, so much so that she sees their real-life experiences as an attack against her glorious creation (that’s making her so much money).So, there you go. E.L. James cares so much about you, abuse survivors, that she’s willing to prioritize a woman’s right to be spanked over your right to not be stalked, intimidated, beaten, and controlled. She cares so much, that she won’t even listen to you when you try to tell her what’s wrong. And she’s so, so terribly concerned about you that she doesn’t want anyone to even talk about the abuse in her books or the potential for abuse in a BDSM relationship… because she doesn’t want to upset you, and she knows best. Or something. I don’t know, I’m honestly considering the possibility that this woman is gluing up before her public appearances.Is E.L. James the real-life inspiration for Cheryl Tunt?The bottom line is, this is a problem E.L. James could fix, easily. First of all, she has to drop this whole, “I want to protect abused women” bullshit line that is clearly not true at all. And she has to stop touting her books as some kind of sexual saving grace that women are learning and growing from. Then, when someone says, “Hey, Christian Grey is an abuser,” she can say, “You’re right. The relationship portrayed in my books is not a healthy one. However, as a fiction writer I am telling a story, not writing a how-to manual. If my books are encouraging women to be more open in their sexuality, I think that’s great, but I would advise them to seek out other, nonfiction resources for instruction in the BDSM lifestyle. And I would ask them not to hold up the relationship between Christian Grey and Ana Steele as one to aspire to.”That’s all she has to do. But she won’t. Because at the end of the day, women, E.L. James doesn’t give a shit about you, or your experiences. And she was only writing this for school, anyway, so OMG SHE DOESN’T CARE IF YOU LIKE IT!(The link to the original story I took E.L.’s quote from is here, but be warned there are two auto-play videos of the same commercial badly out of sync at the top and bottom of the pages)Posted 2/1/2013 by Jenny Trout
50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - UK
Use, redistribute, print.
Click image and magnify for large version.
Print pack available here: http://tinyurl.com/cpjtazc
I’ve been reading the Das Mervin sporking of 50 Shades of Grey and the Love, Joy, Feminism analysis of Created to Be His Help Meet and I was struck by the similarities.
Both run on the same idea that whatever a man does to a woman (even without her consent), he can’t help and it’s her fault for not preventing it. Both totally de-emphasize the importance of a woman’s consent. Simultaneously, both books invalidate women’s opinions when they are at all at odds with the men in their lives. Both also buy into the idea that the “right woman” can change a man, even if that man is abusive. Both have a very immature concept of what love and relationships are. Both treat open, honest communication as the antithesis of a good relationship.
Both treat men’s egos as extremely fragile things that must constantly be coddled. Both emphasise the importance and rigidity of men’s desires while treating women’s desires as completely malleable and unimportant. Both slut-shame the hell out of all the women. Both treat women as belonging to the men in their lives. (I could keep going, but I’ll stop).
Seriously…I know there’s been all sorts of feminist critique of 50 Shades already…but I haven’t seen this comparison yet. It’s EXACTLY THE SAME shit that the far-right, conservative Christian patriarchy (aka: complementarianism)…only with more graphic sex scenes.
And the sex scenes aren’t even all that good.
Forgotten I’d done this awhile back. Definitely relevant now, I think.
I read so much gay fanfiction you could almost question my sexuality, except I’m a girl and I’ve never read a
lesbian fanfiction. I just… Really like the love between boys, okay?
someone said the thing!
"Muggleborns in Hogwarts starting a film club and introducing Purebloods to any number of Teen romantic comedies"
What Muggleborns should do is start a film club and make Purebloods watch something that will scare the shit out of them. Make them watch Alien. Silence of the Lambs. Final Destination. Saw.
Show a them marathon of the best of Muggle horror and watch their eyes widen and faces go pale as they realize just how fucked up Muggles are.
hogwarts needs like five different film clubs stat
#darcy to jane
my mom is on the phone with my dad (a microbiologist) and she told him “go to bed, turn off the computer, and just, just don’t do science. don’t do any science”
i’m a little confused by your wording nony, but i’m assuming you’re referring to the ship davekat? there are plenty of people who ship davekat and they’ve generated a lot of fun stuff to experience. i’d recommend the tumblr tag #davekat and the ao3 tag “dave strider/karkat vantas”.
i hope this answers your quesion! :D
midnight secondary on him looks almost nighttime-y, I like it
but should i make him Brushfire though?
and what about Tachycardia?
so this is my Tachycardia
i’m tempted to keep her, because i like her colors and her names is badass. i’ve already kept one of belladonna’s kids though, which makes me wonder if i should limit myself to one.
this is one of persephone and firebug’s babies
he’s thistle primary but midnight secondary, which makes me wonder if maybe i should call him Brushfire and stop trying to get a double thistle
i’d imagine that when oliver and felicity get married there’s a bit of a culture clash when they’re raising the children since oliver is used to having the finer things in life while felicity is just like i am a grown woman oliver i can paint my own daugher’s toenails!
It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.
I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.
How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?
Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.
HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN
YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT
humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.
REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE
WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY
THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.
HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS
WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE
OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD
More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.
(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)
Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:
- Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
- Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
- We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
- Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.
In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.
I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right?
Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place.
We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps.
And by god, we will eat anything.
- We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food.
- We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin.
- We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live.
- We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
- We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground.
- Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places.
- We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
- We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them.
- On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet.
Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us
We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!
On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.
Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.
Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.
The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.
Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.
We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it.
Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel.
They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”
That little asshole was me, age 4.
This just get better and better.
imagine these aliens watching a human peel dead skin off a healing sunburn
this just in humans will rip off tissue damaged by solar radiation with no visible signs of pain oh god abort mission abort abort